Adam, Eve and the Serpent

 According to history of not-so-great human kind, God first created a human species with a male genital organ and left him in a park. Poor bastard did his own naming ceremony among plants, leaves and other animals if existed and named himself as Adam, the one.

Adam, as a lone existent in that park, for a few days he played with himself and after with others. After some days, he got to know that something is missing in his life. So he invited trouble to his life by creating a female species from his rib and named her Eve.

So, Adam and Eve are the only immortal human beings on this earth. Adam after seeing the beauty of Eve fell for her but kept some distance from her.

After a few days, Eve realized that she needs some1 to show her tantrums and her hormonal variations. So, slowly they started friendship, shared their food and the crude humor. This dude realized that he will be friend-zoned for sure if he goes like this with her. And, he expressed his love towards her. She didnt slapped him, instead, seeing his dedication and fairness and his hard work for getting out of fucking best-friend-ever-zone she said yes to him.

Love life started for them.

Like all the fluffy lovers, they too started their love phase and are enjoying the most without regret.

After seeing them one bad ass villain, a serpent had some wild plans with both of them. This bad ass guy literally hates the God and was waiting for the opportunity to knock them down.

In the Eden garden, where they lived, one tree existed and it gives most beautiful and sweetest fruits. God forbid them from the tree and warned both Adam and Eve that 'don’t ever try to taste that fruit until and unless you want to screw up your life'. They obeyed him saying 'i accept the terms'. Serpent knows about these terms and wants to persuade them to taste the fruit.

There was a time may be after(100's of years), Eve felt something was missing from the relation with Adam. Her female instinct went so far and was thinking in every possible way of their relation. She started being paranoid. She was worried that her perfectly molded figure was out of shape and was concerning Adam. Bloated with all the thoughts, she sat under a tree and was taking a joint.

Considering it was a right moment, serpent entered into the frame and was being very polite, and was trying to-be-a-good-guy type with Eve. She too felt that he is good-guy-to-tag along and started sharing him her thoughts.

This cunning serpent now told Eve "Babe, Do not worry about him much. You need to take care of yourself. See how tired you look. You need to eat something. Saying this, serpent pointed out the fruit from the God forbid tree and told Eve that, you will regain the lost glow in you after eating that fruit. She reminded serpent about the terms of God, but serpent replied that "God must be kidding with you. Nature is meant to be embraced. You just go and eat a fruit you will find the difference later". Hearing this, Eve plucked a fruit and had a bite. She found that it is the sweetest fruit she ever had and want to impress Adam by taking a fruit to him.

Adam too sat on the tree and was lost in thoughts. Meanwhile Eve came and sat beside Adam. What’s up babe? Adam replied with ' Nothing babe? I was just wondering what happened to our relation these days and am thinking of how to make get those good days back.

Oh Adam!!.That’s so sweet.

What was that in your hand Eve? Oh. Yes, have a bite of this most delicious fruit. Adam reminded about the Gods warning of "dont eat the fruits of that tree" and asked Eve. What have you done babe? Dont you remember God warned us and how could you do that? Eve told Adam that dont worry about that. Nothing will happen. God is a good guy. I will handle him, saying this she gave a lip lock to him and handed the fruit. Adam ate the fruit and felt awesome (of course the combination).

God after seeing their acts, came to garden and asked Adam. Adam with fear told Eve made him ate that and then he turned to Eve. Eve kept an innocent face and blamed it on serpent.

God got angry and cursed both of them for not listening to his words and took the eternal life from them. This dumb couple got thunder struck after listening to Gods words and felt devastated knowing that their skin will start age and their life forms will end in time. So they thought of fucking up the nature and earth by creating humans and started to reproduce.

That’s how all the dumb bitches and bad-ass-fuckers came to earth.

Date nights of Cupid and Psyche... part-2

Date nights of cupid and psyche part-2.

The first part ended when the angry cupid left psyche after she sees his face.

Psyche waited for cupids return to her as long as she remembers, but he didn’t show up. At last she tries to see his mom Venus and wants to enquire about cupid after surrendering to Venus.

Even though Venus will be mother-in-law to psyche, feminine instincts dominated in Venus due to the beauty of psyche which is making Venus envy.

As Psyche told Venus about cupid disappearance after that incident, Venus got to know that psyche is in the deepest shit of love with cupid and will do anything to get him back. So, she made psyche believed that if psyche agrees to Venus instructions and follow her commands she will let psyche know about cupids whereabouts.

Poor Psyche doesn’t have any options left, so she agrees finally to obey Venus commands.

Venus took Psyche to a room of grains which consists of wheat, barley and all kind of kinkery stuff Venus used to feed her pigeons. Venus ordered Psyche to arrange the grains accordingly with the family, like wheat in all a lump, barley in a lump and so on. Both of them knew that it was impossible to do and added to the impossibility, she wants them by the EOD.

Her subconscious told Psyche to jump out from the hill as the task is impossible. After seeing the condition of Psyche, a family of ants came to offer help to this feathers-tied-up-love bird. The ant family called out for all the ants and orders them like Optimus Prime. 'I __ called you out you guy ants and girl ants to offer help to this poor Psyche by completing the task that b!t&^y Venus gave. So all ants worked and completed the task before time. Venus entered the room with a farewell speech but got disappointed and angry too. She yelled at Psyche for cheating like invigilators yelling at students and told her this test didn’t count. Psyche though' You Bitch, you don’t play fair as do I.'

And she was ordered to meet Venus next day morning.

The very next day, Venus orders Psyche to bring the golden wool which hangs from the wild sheep’s kind of breed. Psyche followed the river stream upward and when she saw them, she dropped out her jaw like another sheep. They were fierce, wild and it will take her directly to hell is she goes a yard to them. She started crying like a piggy tail girl, but then someone or something mistifically told Psyche that ‘wait till afternoon till they were sleep, then sweep like a ninja and get the golden wool from them. Nice and clear eh..!!!

She wanted till noon and slid into the flock and collected all the wool within 10 minutes. Hurray..!!! Selfie with the wool....

Venus threw the wool away telling her that she was cheating and puts another test. Psyche was supposed to fill a goblet with icy mountain water from the top notch of a mountain,

She crept up all the flunky rocks and crossed some distance. After seeing the real mountain of slant cliffs, she decided to throw herself out from the mountain.

An eagle flew from nowhere and helps Psyche by collecting the water from the top and gives back to her.

Venus didn’t even believe this. In the end she got a womanly idea which never fails even after the extinction of human race.

She orders Psyche to go to underworld by carrying a box and to give that box to an underworld queen and get a potion of queen’s beauty back to Venus.

Well, after listening to the underworld she almost died. It’s like a place with one way ticket. She again went to the mountain cliff to jump off. Surprisingly the mountain spoke. Don’t ask me how. It told Psyche ' What kind of a lady are you. Don’t be afraid. I will help you to reach the underworld. But after stepping into underworld you need to take care of your ass by yourself.

Now the mountain told Psyche to carry two coins and bread. A ferryman will be there to cross the river and pay him with one coin. After you cross the river an ill fated women will be weeping for help, turn away and never see back. When you reach the queens palace a three headed dog will be there, throw a piece of bread at him, he will be friendly and you will reach the queen. But most importantly whatever you do, never try to open the box. Shut your womanly instincts and never try to open the box. That’s a no no.......!!!!

She followed all the steps the mountain told her and reached the queen, got the potion and returned from underworld by paying the other coin to the ferryman.

At the end of underworld she thought to herself, " As I completed the task, let me check what this potion is and can use by myself to impress cupid for their next date.

Well, she opened it, there is no such beauty potion in the box, but its magic which puts Psyche to sleep for eternity. Venus succeeded and was partying with her ladies by smoking hookah and drinking wine.

Cupid after his recovery went searching for Psyche and he was unable to find her even after so many days. She he too went to the same mountain to jump off...

Oh crap..!!! Why you people never leave me alone. Don’t you have another mountain to jump from? Whoever wants to die are coming to my ass and are trying to jump.

So the mountain told Cupid about Psyche and her eternal sleep. Cupid thought that her mother’s bitchy thoughts are going out of her mind, so he went to Jupiter (father) and explained the whole thing. Jupiter laughed at his wife’s jealousy and woke Psyche up from her sleep and made her immortal with a potion.

Jupiter, Psyche and Cupid convinced Venus and boom..!!!! Happily married thereafter....!!!

Date nights of Cupid and Psyche

There lived a boy named Cupid with two feather wings, nothing to cover except a bow and arrow on his body, which he uses for hunting the love rather  animals. Whoever got hit by the arrow, he /she will fall in love (dont ask me how)...!!!

As his counter part is Psyche, God himself made this beauty while he is in conscious, she is one among the few little good deeds done by Him. A fair complexed, with a heart throbbing figure, she is a heart breaking machine for boys. Even the goddess Venus envied her beauty. There came the time people started talking about Psyche beauty rather Venus. Venus feared that boys imagine Psyche rather Venus on their beds. The cunning women in Venus rose up inside her and asks her son Cupid to make Psyche go mad with the love of his arrows.

There came the time, love at first sight, instead here lies the twist: This arrow guy mistakenly rubs his itched leg with his own arrow rather his nails and ….boom..!!!! In love with the Psyche who is sleeping on her bed. Whole scene reversed..!!!!

Couldn’t resist waiting even one minute, he went to Psyche, woke her up and conveyed his feelings to Psyche in the dark. Psyche blushed like every other girl after listening to his dialogue in the dark, with her pink cheeks she responded with a 'love you too'.

Clever cupid now kept a condition that she never tries to see his face and she should love him without seeing his face only. Girly instincts told her to agree to that condition now and can compromise with few tears in the later stages and lucky bastard Cupid got laid on the first date itself.

More dates continued and they happily enjoying their time together. Women part in her told her to wait for the moment to start the phase-2 of weeping and making agree to what they want. Even though the thought of seeing him strikes her mind but she overthrew that fearing his manly ego may gets disturbed and she loves him anyways. So she strikes down the thought of seeing whenever it comes to her mind.

Psyche has a sister who is envious to Psyches beauty. Psyche told her everything about the condition of cupid and their romantic dates and continued to discuss about him on every girly night. Bingo...!!!!! This envious sister got a chance to avenger Psyche and wants to try her luck with cupid on bed.

One fine day, Hey sis, whats up?. Psyche lost in thoughts with cupid and smiling constantly picturing her ride last night on clouds with birds.

Her sis called her named a little louder' Psyche .???'. What happened to you, still romancing cupid in your thoughts..!! Ah huh..!!! Do you mind sharing some with your little sister? Dont worry I dont take him away from you..!!

Both laughed.

Hey sis, tell me truly, what do you think of him and how do you think his face will be, asked Psyche innocently. Her sis pretends to not to answer her question. 'Sis, what happened I am asking you.'

Nothing Psyche  everything is fine.

Psyche thought her sis is hiding something from her' Whats bothering you sis, You dont want to share with me? Dont worry, your secrets are safe with me.

 'Its about Cupid .'

'Why? What happened to cupid'?

She told Psyche that cupid has a monstrous face. 'I saw him yesterday while he sneaked out of your room'.

Shocking Psyche says 'No, you are kidding with me right.?' and expecting her to say yes.

Tears started rolling down from Psyche's face, disappointed, depressed and confused Psyche is in ambiguous state and don't know what to do next. In the end, she decided to see him on whatever the consequence could be.

Cupid came that night, without his knowledge she grabbed a lamp suddenly and put it up towards his face...!!!!!!

Boom..!!!! She expected a monstrous face, instead she saw a clean shaven face with a innocent , love and divine cuts and was jumping in joy and felt the urge to take a selfie with him at that instant.

Well, the later part isnt as good as she expected.

Manly ego on the other hand got hurt and felt cheated after these many dates as she coudnt stand on her promise. Heart-broken cupid left the place with a break up dialogue and disappeared into the dark.

Psyche was shocked and broke down. She expected a reaction but definitely not the reaction leading to break up. She has been emptying vessels and wine and hukhah pots , lost in love and learned her lesson of dont trust another women even her blood.(To be continued...!!!!!!!)

Physche and Venus in next part..!!

Opinions

Is it crime for not having an opinion on everything??

I really don’t get the system of guidelines called ‘If-you-don’t-follow-them-you-are-getting-some-serious-shit-No-kidding.’

What disaster is going to happen if you don’t say your shittiest opinion to others in every aspect? Why can’t we sit quite while others fight for ‘yield nothing good’ kind of topics?

The real amusement is when others ask for our greatest involvement and compel us to take part in the most desirable discussion our mother earth ever faced. The more amusement will come when we fails to respond to their compulsions or mere warnings.

‘Human kind cannot bear very much reality’ T.S Eliot said.

He forgot to add this ‘it even failed to realize that they can’t bear a little reality.’ If they did, that might be the first step of understanding reality. Typical species!

What made them think like so?? Is it their long existence?

However, how far they understand perception and its cause and effect?

I think, not at greater extents.

Well, if they really understand the existence of perception, they might never compel us or they may never put up such shittiest discussion with ugly ends. They may never rise above the levels of the contentment.

If that is the case, life will be simple and pretty happier. One doesn’t simply wish for something rather than present. No worries, no pain, no deception, no shit carrying. The power will not be in single hands rather distributed equally among every living and non-living being: finally the true meaning which is again perceptive. I don’t expect one to accept this but I at least live with the hope that one might understand this: The true meaning of life.

Why cant one understand the typical behavior of human being and how we are made?

One doesn’t expect to understand everything about gene structure and the following chemical composition, but common sense must be there somehow which is the least composition exist in our human body; in most of the cases it will be absent.

Some people are really lucky enough to have it in their grey matter but the real amusement will come with the absence of that in the most required situation. It will be even more amusing if this common sense got lost in between the emotional breakouts mostly with the involvement of girls needless to mention.

Well, sticking to the point we are talking about: Is it necessary to have a opinion on everything.

Yah..!!!  I don’t have an opinion on that.....!!!!!

Around Time

What the beep...!!!

Whenever I see a classic Hollywood movie, most of them are decade ago releases which is needless to say, one can feel the vibes which carries along with whole script of movie. The theme of the movie is centralized and every frame runs accordingly to it, which I never find in any Tollywood releases (at least in the movies I have seen). Even though we have many classic movies which stand in the way down to our history, most of them are copied from these Hollywood flicks.

If mistakenly we feel that vibes from any of those Indian classics, then the possibility of the existence of its original version UK, USA, and Chinese film schools is eminent.

Film industry is now a part of entertainment industry. After watching many of the classics I strongly feel that previously it is used to be a source of information or enlightening an idea which is very powerful and to create a spark in our grey matters. But now it is completely form of perfect entertainment. What a shift.!! Enlightenment to Entertainment. Bless the heavens..!! It rhymes too..!!!!

None is entitled to blame in this scenario. Public, Industry, System, everyone laid a hand in it, if it fits then their asses too..!! However, as earth revolves, nothing is constant and this film industry is no difference.

I don’t really understand why we sensor profanity or cussing. If we watch any of the Quentin Tarantino’s movies, one will be addicted to profanity. We cant accept and digest the movie if it misses cussing. He never misses the opportunity of even using an f word in a sentence. Most of the movie comprises conversations. He tries to conclude a movie with the minimum number of scenes possible. He mixes beauty with blood which is the dangerous combination. Even though whole movie includes cussing, we never regret hearing it and add some unknown and dark beauty to the whole movie. After watching the conversations between the actors in his movies, we feel that profanity is meant to be used only by him. No man or women (not to mention) can use the beauty of cussing the way he uses or shows.

I don’t know how many of the f words he uses while conversing in real life and I guess the sentence will have more beeps than words

In a formal conversation: You beep. crazy beep. What the beep happened to you. How the beep you have been. Your boss, that shittiest beep is still beep your beep brains out. That beep. I am beep telling you beep he is the beep beep beep man. You have this beep. Don’t beep be shy beep. Ask me any beep thing you need. Ok beep.

If his intention is to cuss: beep beep beep. You don’t beep mess with a beep. That crazy old beep beep. beep he is. beep beep beep beep. beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep. beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

If any of the movies like Pulp Fiction, Death proof, Jackie Brown releases in India, the 150 min movie will be trimmed into 50 min. Glad he never did.

P.S: Purely perceptive.

Whole cussing from pulp fiction.

Uninvited

Marriages are made in heaven – It’s like a tag present on almost every product- made in china..!!! Well no one is offending the fact of their origin or production, but why all of them happen on the same day for a certain period of guru and sani’s happiest days. Why the discrimination towards those two dudes??? Seriously- One can’t enjoy the delicious food if one is invited to two marriages simultaneously on the same day and time. He will miss the food and not to mention about other perks at the other marriage which he cant make it on time.

Why cant marriages are distributed evenly for the whole 365 days so that one will have an occasion a day to take a break from his/her mom or wife or their own-self (in the worst case) made food and a female to dress up like a bee queen.

Well, coming to the point (which never existed), past week my family was invited to the whole dump of marriages for the 4 days and I alone attended every function on an average of 3 per day(treating my stomach as a dump-yard).

It is the last day of that dump and I felt relieved as I don’t have any for that evening/night. Living in the native place has its own privileges, in every street I can find an uncle and aunt who is related to me somehow (god knows. Pheww.!!), so its almost like a family gathering rather a marriage function. On that afternoon I went to a marriage and met my mom’s elder sis and I enquired about my cousin brother and told me that he is in home and need to attend his friend’s marriage that evening. We live in the same area so I am well aware of his friends and asked who is getting married? She replied “Sweety”..!! what? ‘sweety’?? her marriage, really? She is 27 though..!! I was literally shocked after listening to it and cant digest the fact that she is getting married.

Sweety- I dunno her full name until her marriage. She is my cousins classmate in school and college and both went on separate ways later and are really good friends till now. In my childhood i.e.,, my 6^th or 7^th std I went to my cousins annual day in school and the name of sweety babbled from every boys mouth. Later on I found from my cousin sister that she is like a top shot in the school with good behavior and character. Both of the families knew about each another (which I deduced later). So, in short I am hearing about her from 10 years and I really want to witness her marriage. On that evening my cousin called me for some other work and asked me if I have any interest to attend her marriage, I then said yes and asked him to pick me up as I don’t have any to attend.

We went inside the marriage hall and waited for his friends so that we all can eat together and her marriage is already started with her parents around them.  She used to be bubbly in the childhood as I hear but now (5/10) may be I kept too many expectations.!!!!

His friends have arrived and waited in line to eat and I am playing with my mobile. Suddenly someone touched my shoulder and called me ‘Rajesh’ by offering shake hand to me, I was shocked at once and returned with smile and showed him my cousin. That person is wearing the kind of clothes one wears to special occasions. He wished my cousin like a childhood friend and asked about my aunt, uncle and other cousins with their names.  (He is sweety’s father and she invited very few of her friends) and he assumed I am also one of them but failed to get my name or face. I felt lil ashamed and guilt for coming uninvited even though I hear about her.

Lesson 1: Never go uninvited even though she is your EX(nope..!!! not me).

I tried forgetting that with food- yes..!! it worked for that instant. We ate and sat at the end after eating and roaming, two aunties came to us and stared at us with a satisfied smile by seeing us and she started introducing my cousin and his friends with names and whereabouts to another aunty. She stopped suddenly by pointing the finger at me and trying hard to remember about my existence. She is scaring the hell out of me; I thought of giving her a break and told her that I am the cousin of rajesh. She smiled again and asked about myself. She stated in the end that ‘Hello, sandeep.!! She is the mother-in-law of sweety.’

Oh man.!! Why all bad things happen to me? I smiled and swallowed my anguish.

Lesson 2: If you are uninvited then pack your things after eating. Never do ramp walk around the whole marriage hall like you are the groom’s uncle and never roam with such batch as their parents come to you definitely at least once in the whole time.

She stayed there for a while and left, I was abashed and I was a free soul now as both of their parents are aware that I am officially uninvited. It felt like a big load is lifted off my chest and is waiting for flirtatious look. Another hand on my shoulder..!!! oh man..!! not again..!!who on earth is left to recognize me as uninvited. It is her younger brother turn now, as he is younger to me I thought of managing with a big fake laugh but err.!! No..!! like father like son..!!!

I stared at my cousin to please take me out of this. I rather listen to honey singh songs full day than getting another pointing finger to me by another kid and yell to me ‘Another intruder..! make him suffocate with questions!!’.(Yes.!! She had another younger brother)

P.S: I wondered, in most of the marriages I was invited to, I need to go to the hosts and need to show my face to them as a token of presence and in some I need to introduce myself as the s/o , g.s/0 so and so..!! Man..!!!! no one gave a damn about my presence in the function I was invited to but as an intruder I will get the attention of whole country it seems….!!!